


Lost It To Trying

by Firenza



Series: Septic Egos Oneshots [6]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anger, Based off prompt, Burn Out, Financial Struggles, Hurt/Comfort, Magic, One-Shot, Referenced depression, Yelling, magic shows, no beta read, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 16:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16223048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firenza/pseuds/Firenza
Summary: “I’m trying, all the time, but it’s just too hard.”Title from Lost It To Trying- Son Lux





	Lost It To Trying

_“I’m trying, all the time, but it’s just too hard.”_

 

Marvin’s wide, fake smile fades as the stage lights cut out signaling the end of his show. The curtains fall closed, muffling the blaring sound of an entire theater full of people clapping. He was glad people enjoyed his show, he really was, but the amount of effort he had to put in to make it entertaining was just plain exhausting. Faking a smile day in and day out was wearing down on him. His magic was draining fast and he couldn’t find enough time to relax and let his body replenish it. He would need to take a break and soon, or he would break himself.

The stage crew rushes onto the stage, ushering his equipment off. They steer clear of him for the most part, and for a moment Marvin feels guilty. Last night, he’d snapped at a woman who’s gotten too close to him and probably scared her away for good judging by the fact that he couldn’t see her anywhere. He wanted to apologize to her, but if she wasn’t here then that wouldn’t really be possible.

He walks backstage, weaving around the stage crew who seem to have multiplied in the past few minutes. He could have sworn there weren’t this many people here earlier. But that’s how it always seemed to go. Each night, he was surprised by the sheer number of people that it took just to help him put on his show. If it were possible, he would thank each of them personally, but he didn’t have the time or energy for that.

The door to his dressing room was cracked open slightly when he arrived. Not that much of a surprise. He stepped inside, shutting the door behind him softly. Sitting in one of the hard, plastic chairs was Jackie. He glances up as Marvin walks in and offers him a soft smile. “Hey, good job tonight.”

At this point, he knows better than to argue with how the performance went. Jackie would insist that he did a good job even if he burned the building down. He returns the smile and mutters a soft thanks. The comfort of the only soft chair in the room was a blessing. Jackie was kind enough to leave it for him after shows since he knew how draining they could be. Marvin tugs at the band in his hair, letting his hair fall back down to his shoulders.

The room falls silent save for the whirr of a fan blowing the warm, late-spring air around. For early May, the weather was surprisingly warm and that was only draining Marvin more. The heat made him feel sluggish and behind his mask he sweat more during his shows than while running a marathon. He rips the mask from his face and lets it clatter to the floor, laying his arm across his face lazily. At this point, he could care less if Jackie saw the embarrassing scars criss-crossing the top of his face, the result of a less than pleasant spell he’d attempted once. If Jackie cares, or even notices, he doesn’t say anything.

Finally, Jackie breaks the silence. “What’s been bothering you recently, Marv?” He asks, “And don’t say nothing, because I know you and you normally aren’t like this.”

Marvin sighs, “Is it that obvious?” He removes his hand from his face and looks over at Jackie who is intently trying to meet his eyes. Marvin glances away before he can.

“ _Yes,”_ Jackie insists, “It is very, _very_ obvious.” A hand rests against his shoulder. “You can talk to me, Marv. We’re in this together.”

“Don’t you have anything more important to do, like, I dunno, catching bad guys or whatnot?” Marvin shrugs the hand off his shoulder and crosses his arms. He was not in the mood to open up about anything. Besides, most of what was happening was effecting Jackie as well. He knew exactly what it was that was bothering him and yet here they were, for probably the fifth time this week, trying this game again.

“Look. I know we’re going through shit right now, but that doesn’t mean we have to ignore it. We don’t have to go this road alone.” At this point, he almost seemed like he was begging Marvin to comply.

Marvin grunts, “Who’s benefit are you doing this for. Yours or mine?”

Jackie makes a strangled sound, “Both…” His voice is hardly a whisper.

Marvin sighs, “Fine. What is it that you want to talk about? The fact that we’re constantly being hunted. and the only reason _he_ hasn’t found us yet is because _I_ keep putting up wards to protect us? Or maybe how the only person who could really help us is stuck in a God damn coma? What about how Henrik has just disappeared off the face of the Earth? Or is it about Chase, who we haven’t heard from in _months_ because he’s distanced himself so much and the only reason we know he’s still alive is because the channel is still running?” He clenches his jaw, realizing that he’s spoken much more than he’d intended.

“All of it,” Jackie shakes his head, “We can’t keep ignoring the inevitable.”

“I know…” Marvin picks his mask off from the floor. A crack stretches through the middle of the four suits on the forehead. He traces the crack and watches as it mends itself. Another wave of exhaustion rolls through him and he sets the mask onto a table so it can’t fall and crack again.

“But, I want to know how you’re feeling. I can tell something’s not right.” Jackie scoots his chair so he’s right in front of him.

Marvin looks down at his hands, debating what to say. “I’m exhausted,” He mumbles, “Keeping these wards up and doing these shows and always having to be energetic is draining me. I’m trying, all the time, but it’s just too hard at this point.”

“You need a break,” Jackie states, “You’re working yourself too hard these days.”

He nods defeatedly, “I know… But I can’t take a break. We need the money from these shows.”

“It won’t matter if you take one or two days off. It’ll be good for you in the long run,” Jackie gets off his chair and bends down in front of him, “Please, Marv.”

Marvin looks away. He did need a day off, but they were short on money. On top of that, people had already bought tickets. He could reschedule those shows for other days, but what if that night was their only night off? What if the show was a kid’s birthday present? He didn’t want to disappoint anyone. On the other hand, he wouldn’t be able to do these shows for much longer if he kept working himself into the ground like this.

He sighs, “Fine.”

Jackie squeezes his shoulder, “Thank you.” He stands and takes Marvin’s mask of the desk. “I’ll let the manager know.”

“Thanks…” He mumbles and watches as Jackie walks through the door. The room falls silent once more and Marvin slowly drifts off to sleep.


End file.
